I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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