You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
