Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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