There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
