i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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