i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
