he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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