no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
