I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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