You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
