So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
