you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
