Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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