CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
