xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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