so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
