You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
