All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
