A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
