She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
