Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
