you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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