Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
