are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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