Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
