After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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