My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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