I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
