My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
