Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
