oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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