I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My bed smells like the plague
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
