She announced her abortion via fbk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
