She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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