So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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