There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
