I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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