There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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