Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
