During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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