READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
