She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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