oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
