some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
