you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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