she woke up with a sticky ear
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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