He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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