I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
