Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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