I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
