i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
